6 Tips for Dealing with Unrequited Love

by - February 26, 2017

There's no skirting the fact that unrequited love regardless of what side of the coin you're on sucks. I posted a few weeks ago a diary entry, which honestly I was going to take down until I realized that my experience could help someone. Because of my experience in this realm I thought that it would be super helpful to list 6 tips for dealing with unrequited love. I plan on making a YouTube video also, but thought that it would be better received once the situation had died down at school. :)

d i s c l a i m e r:
* I refer to the person in question as "them" and my "(ex)-crush"
* Identities have been purposefully changed to keep the privacy of those involved.
* If you happen to be a person involved reading this...you know that this is my safe place.

1. "It's not YOU, it's THEM"

It took me awhile to understand that I didn't need to change myself to fit the mold my crush seemed to like (which if I'm being super petty was ditsy and blonde). During moments like these it is super important to ask yourself "Why am I trying to force a relationship that God is clearly saying is not meant to be at the present moment?" If you believe that God has a reason for everything, you should have no need to try and open a door that has been closed by Him at this time.

2. It's Normal to Feel Jealous

When I found out that my crush liked one of my best friends, I wanted to hurt not only him, but my friends too who had nothing to do with the situation. I'll be the first to admit that my sadness quickly became anger especially since the guy in question liked two of my good friends. Will I say that jealousy is the right emotion to feel in this situation, no, but will I admit that it is perfectly natural, heck to the yes! Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't "feeling correctly". Remember that some things are outside of your control and that you can not force someone else to like you. Also realize that it is okay to go through a "grief" period for what could've been.  (At the same time though make sure to take note of your moods and make sure that a "crush gone wrong" doesn't trigger an emotion much worst than jealousy--depression.)

3.  Don't Make a Rash Decision

In my instance, the guy in question did ask for a certain type of picture (this really should've been red flag #1). An action that I am now super thankful I did not go through with (I'm telling you God blessed me with wisdom on that one). Don't degrade yourself by taking pictures for a person you're not in a relationship with. And if you're like me and decided against doing something that is (totally) against the law for minors don't feel remorse and think that this one event would've changed their feelings. If anything it would've caused them to lose respect for the person you are. Remember that you are treasured in the eyes of God and that this is the only thing that truly matters.

4. Don't Burn the Bridge

I've seen myself give this advice plenty of times to by younger siblings and close friends (and honestly never thought I'd need it myself). Even if you find out later that a relationship with you and another person isn't going to work, it is super important not to burn that bridge.

Which before I go on let me digress and say please do not spread rumors about your ex-crush, 9 times out of 10 they will find out and you will end up looking bad (just from my experience as a bystander).

 In my case I go to a high school (a private school at that) and since the person in question is in nearly all of my classes (and probably will be for the rest of my high school career) it would be stupid of me to go out of my way to ruin the relationship.

Do I know who he likes? Yes 
Will I continue to be friends with him despite the fact that he doesn't like me? Yes

Don't betray their trust in you because of something they really can't control. This is another one of those times where you have to accept the fact that you can't control the situation. Then again would you really want to force attraction between you and another person? Also remember that this does not mean that things must "go back to the way they were" if you need space or just want to take it back down to from "besties" to acquaintances be my guest. Forgiving does not excuse the fact that your feelings were hurt in the process.

5. Distance Yourself from the Person or Situation

If you happen to be a student or even a person in a small workplace, I totally understand how hard it can be to distance yourself from your (ex)-crush. Since I go to a small private school I dealt with my fair share of this because (as I said in my last diary entry) most of the girl's soccer team thought that me and my crush were dating even though this was far from the truth. This doesn't even count the small things my friends did whenever I happened to be around him in the many classes we shared. To say the least it was painful to go through, but I'm that much stronger because of this. I hate to say it, but if you are in a position like mine it is one of those few times where I had to force myself to "get over it". For me that meant focusing on what really mattered: my relationship with God, my grades, family, soccer, and making sure I scored at least a 30 on the ACT. When you switch your focus to the things that truly matter in life it becomes that much easier to ignore the constant noise in the background.

To clarify: distance doesn't have to mean finding a distraction though, sometimes it can mean taking a social media cleanse or just unfollowing (or ignoring) them on a select few platforms.

Touching back on point #4, deciding not to burn a bridge does not mean that everything goes back to normal. If you feel the need to take a break from texting the person, feel free. In fact it is probably healthier to stay away from them during the time you take to recover from the relationship. Just remember that there is a difference between distance and being petty.

 [Word of advice needlessly unfollowing them from every social media platform is petty, but picking the two or three you would see (or be reminded) of them most on is distance.]

6. Treat Yourself

For me that's in the form of good TV, research, and writing. After finding out who my crush liked I proceeded to down a cup of green tea and try to get some sleep (at least before deciding that I was better off writing a blog post on the situation haha) Even if the relationship never got past snapchat it is so important to treat yourself and make sure that you are still mentally okay. This is also where it is so important that you surround yourself with positive people and someone you can confide the situation too (without having to worry about them telling someone else). I can't say enough how much I'm thankful for the friends and mother who sat ad listened me go on-and-on about a relationship that was never became more than a good friendship. Even if you have never been in this position, if a friend has confided in you information anything like mine, let me just thank you for them. Sometimes all it takes to get someone back to their cheery mood is a good laugh.

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